Green Light on Her Mind
by moonrainer
Summary: His concern for his best friends drives Sirius Black to confront Marlene McKinnon about something she would rather forget.


**A/N** All the characters and places you recognise here are based on J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. The story below however is entirely my own.

* * *

 _Now there's green light in my eyes_

 _And my lover on my mind_

 _And I'll sing from the piano, tear my yellow dress and_

 _Cry and cry and cry_

 _Over the love of you_

 **Florence + The Machine** – Over the Love

* * *

"McKinnon."

Marlene looked up. She had expected to see the usual smirk on his face, but instead found herself facing a rather tense-looking Sirius Black sporting a troubled expression.

She tilted her head to the left.

"Can I sit down?" he asked in a calm and forcibly collected manner which was, Marlene found, quite unlike him.

"I don't see why not," she answered, smiling up at him in an attempt to ease the tension that his sudden appearance had created within herself. Sirius had never addressed her before when they were alone, not surrounded by their friends, and the fact that his demeanour was so different from what she knew of him made her apprehensive.

He took a seat next to her on the stone wall. After a few moments of silence, she turned towards him. He was staring at some unseen target in the far distance. This was strange.

"So…" she started, not quite sure where she wanted the conversation to go. "Did you … want to talk to me about something?"

He sighed. Hs gaze still fixed on something far away, he simply stated: "I have a question."

Marlene waited for him to go on, but he said no more.

"Well… What is it then?" she asked quietly, trying to make her voice sound reassuring. She couldn't help but feel excited.

"Complicated." He shook his head, as if attempting to wake himself, and finally turned to look at her. "Look, I really don't want to bother you with this, but you are the only person who knows, so I have to ask-"

Sirius stopped, looking uncomfortable.

Marlene was puzzled. What was he on about? Since when did someone like Sirius Black, always confident, capable, in the know, openly display helplessness and, more importantly, need to come to her for answers?

Sirius looked her in the eye and simply said: "You saw…"

Instantly sensing what he referred to, a cold shiver ran down her spine. It was a little shock to be reminded of it so suddenly. Feeling her face pale, she slowly shook her head, even though she knew that her facial expression would give her away. And there was also the fact that she was denying something he hadn't even directly mentioned yet. Oh Merlin…

"Marlene," Sirius urged when she averted her eyes. "Please."

But how could he know? She hadn't told anyone, except for… "Dorcas," she muttered.

"No," Sirius said, "She has nothing to do with it. I overheard you two talking by accident."

Marlene felt numb. This was too much. Why had she even talked to someone about it in the first place? It was just a stupid dream. She should have forgotten about it straight away, moving on with her life as though nothing had happened. Still, everything had seemed so vivid, had felt so real, like nothing she had ever experienced before. Horrifying, yet incredibly fascinating at the same time.

But what did Sirius just say?

"Wait. You _overheard_ us? Were you spying on us?" Marlene burst out, agitated.

"Er … not exactly. I just happened to be in the classroom…"

"No, that can't be!" she exclaimed. "I made sure that no one was in there. I checked twice after everyone left! You could _not_ possibly have hidden anywhere."

"Let's just say that I have my tricks." There it was again, the usual cheeky grin she had come to like so much. Nevertheless, the fact that he had observed her without her knowing made her uneasy.

He chuckled. "I was actually planning on leaving a little surprise for Slughorn…"

An awful thought came to her mind. "You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"No, and I won't. Promise." She instantly felt relieved. If there was one thing you could rely on, it was Sirius's loyality.

"Okay, whatever." Marlene jumped up. "If you really did listen to our whole conversation, then you know that I was just being silly. It was only a dream, that's all."

Sirius got up as well and positioned his tall figure right in front of her.

"That's what you're trying to convince yourself of." He sounded earnest again. Concern clouded his grey eyes. When she didn't say anything, he continued, "The way you described what you've seen… This dream was different, wasn't it? It felt more like reliving a memory, right?"

One part of her, probably the emotional one, wanted her to agree and tell him everything. Her rational side however made her stay silent and worked on a convincing way to deny whatever he was going to tell her.

"I know this can be scary," he went on, "and it might seem weird, but it's magic. Real magic. You have the inner eye."

* * *

"I am _not_ a seer!" she protested as she was almost running down the courtyard, Sirius Black at her heels. "I've never had dreams like this before, and I can tell you for sure that I've never made a prophecy either!"

"Just because you haven't yet prophesised anything doesn't meant that you don't have the inner eye." It was weird hearing him talk about divination in such a serious manner. She could easily imagine him constantly cracking jokes about this "imprecise pretend magic".

Marlene shook her head. "No." She stopped walking and turned towards him, taking him by the shoulders. "Look, it was just a dream. I don't know what was going on in my head at the time to make my subconscious come up with this stuff, but it was really nothing more than … vivid imagination of some sort."

Sirius's mouth was a straight line and the crease between his eyebrows seemed to be deepening. "I don't think so," he stated.

She let out a frustrated groan. Why couldn't he just be like Dorcas, dismissing her worries completely, calling her stupid for even thinking twice about something that had happened in a dream? Why couldn't he just laugh at her, or even better, leave her alone altogether?

Nonetheless, somewhere deep inside of her she felt that she didn't really want that at all. She wanted him to pay attention to her in the way that he did. She wanted him to look at her, speak to her and take her seriously.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she sighed, defeated. She would just have to play along.

"Alright then. What if what I saw was…"

"The future." Hearing it said out loud made her shiver.

"If it was… Why the hell are you so keen on making me talk about it?" She looked him straight in the eye.

"You told Dorcas you saw James and Lily." Oh. Right.

It wasn't about herself. Not at all. Stupid Marlene. How could she assume that even for only a second? He was here talking to her because he was worried about his best friends. Her resolution to fend him off was fading.

"But I'm not sure if it was really them," she replied lamely.

"It doesn't matter. I have to know." He looked at her determinedly. "Tell me everything you saw." Probably realising how rude he sounded, he added, in a more gentle tone, "Please."

Marlene let out another sigh. She didn't want to go over this again. Every time she recalled what she had dreamed about it seemed to become more and more real. All she wanted was to forget those terrible images, sounds, and feelings and move on with her life.

"You already know. I told Dorcas everything that happened in the dream. Which wasn't much. It was all just very intense and … frankly, frightening."

However, that wasn't the whole truth. She had kept quiet about how the dream had ended. She couldn't bear sharing that with anyone, not even Dorcas.

Sirius kept staring at her as if he was trying to make her remember more details. Marlene stared right back. Almost angry, she blurted, "A hooded figure entering a house. James. Green light. Upstairs. Lily. Green light. The end. That's all I've got. I couldn't see clearly."

When she saw the disheartened look on his face, she gently added, "I'm sorry. I really can't help you." Sirius just shrugged, but Marlene felt that he had really hoped to get more out of this.

"Anyway, it was just a dream, as I said. It's nothing important." She tried to smile. "Maybe I just had a bit too much butterbeer before I went to bed," she argued, knowing that she hadn't drunk any in weeks.

"Maybe," he mused.

* * *

"Why didn't you think I was just crazy when you overheard me telling Dorcas?"

The two had ended up lazily walking towards the Quidditch pitch.

"Because you're not crazy, McKinnon." Sirius smiled at her, and Marlene felt fuzzy and warm.

His gaze drifted over the lake. "The way you described what you saw… It made me remember something someone once told me.

One night, he woke up from the most lucid dream he had ever had. Said he'd seen his sister's cat die, and also had a dream of his own house burning down with him in the middle of his living room, unable to move." He paused for a moment, still looking at the lake. Marlene waited, not wanting to interrupt him. "The cat was hit by a blasting curse the next week, and a month after that... well, you know."

No matter how hard he tried to conceal it, she could still tell that it made him very sad to talk about it. Not exactly knowing what to say, Marlene simply asked, "How did you know him?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "He was my uncle, Alphard. I knew when I accidentally blew up the cat…" He fell silent.

Marlene wished she hadn't asked. "I'm sorry." He nodded.

Everything about this situation was strange. She could never have imagined anything like this happening to her. But here she was, talking to Sirius Black about feelings.

Suddenly, she realised that this might be her chance. She could show him … but what exactly? That she was pretty and thoughtful and emotionally mature? Not even Marlene herself believed that. All kinds of thoughts flew through her head, but she couldn't hold on to a single one. What could she say? What could she do? She hadn't previously realised how much she wanted this conversation to continue, how much she craved for this moment to last.

"Anyway, I should get back to the Gryffindor tower."

Just like that, she'd lost the moment.

"I promised Peter I'd help him finish his Potions essay tonight." Sirius straightened up, leisurely sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants. "See you in Transfiguration tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she smiled, a little awkwardly. "See you then."

When she looked at him making his way back towards the castle, her smile faded, and her heart broke a little more. Something James Potter had once told her echoed in her mind again: "Sirius? He's too busy being a rebel to fall in love."

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and thought once more about the dream she'd spent so long speaking to Sirius about. Recalling it over and over again seemed to have imprinted it on her mind. She could replay every single detail, however smudged it was, from the beginning to the end. Dorcas dying, Benjy dying, James and Lily dying.

The second before she opened her eyes again, Marlene pictured the very last part of her dream. She stood in the middle of her bedroom. The green light was coming towards her.

* * *

 **A/N** Thank you for reading this little story of mine. I really hope you enjoyed it!  
Not only is this my first real fanfic, but it's also my first time writing fiction in English, my second language. (Don't be too hard on me, please! :D)  
If you have any comments, I'd be happy to hear them. (Does this story even make sense? Let me know!)  
Thank you again for spending your valuable time reading this; you are awesome! :)


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